Send, Search, Retrieve

Do people still blog?

2011-04-07T23:23:00.002+08:00

I happen to be setting up an emergency website for the purpose of promoting a play which I am staging in July. I come across my old blog. I decide, what the heck, let's just write something over here. Do people still blog? Do people still read these shouts at walls? I think we've moved from reading mindless articles on blogspot to reading mindless one-liners on twitter and facebook. What an educated population we've become. Anyway, I'm currently in China. I realise that Walter version 2009 was weird. Walter version 2011 is even weirder. But I can say this over here because no one reads this.

"We're going down and you can see it"

2009-11-07T01:25:00.001+08:00

I think in terms of too simplistic emotions.

"Johnny come lately, the new kid in town."

2009-11-07T00:35:00.002+08:00

The years pass, but it seems like my capacity to handle emotions never expands. To be with a person, that takes more than I can muster.

But you shouldn't tell me things that I can't handle. I think I don't listen well.

But at This Time of Night

2009-09-19T02:38:00.002+08:00

I think I need the presence of a person more than I've ever let myself to accept. Not anyone in specific, just anyone in general. If they say NS is a time for growth, then this is my incarnation of it. Emotional awareness, if anything. Or maybe I just need more surface truths to block these spasms of emotion out.

But if words fail me, then I hope my heart doesn't.

Things I've Learnt

2009-09-19T02:25:00.002+08:00

Here is a list of things I've learnt over the past few months.

HR really is evil.
Janet Jackson is now known as "Janet" and she's terrible.
Arsenal still can't win a match when they have to.
I have a hollow feeling in my heart.
Paula Abdul's voice is strangely alluring in "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow".
I'm really looking forward to flying to Chicago.
I really want to stage plays. PlaySSS. Plural, yes.
I don't function well at 2.30am.
I love my parents more than I ever allowed myself to recognise.

One of those Sunday whores.

2009-06-23T10:00:00.003+08:00

I am not the type to hang out late on Sunday evening. But when the situation called for it last Sunday, what I saw amazed my innocent mind. Strewn along the steps outside Forum Galleria were throngs of artificially big-breasted Sunday whores. Most came from The Philippines, I would believe, for the distinct sounds of Tagalog punctuated every artificial line of broken English. "How you do, Robby?" Then, artificial laughter. "Heeeeheeeeeheeee soooo farrnnieeeee." Then tagalog. "(something here)"

They targetted the White men. Better sex? Bigger penises? Bigger wallets? I do not believe that hard-up Chinese men - willing to pay thousands of dollars for Vietnamese brides - are any less wealthy than hard-up White men. It must be their penises then.

Whores lining up along Orchard Road. You know what the American Sailors who dock at Singapore call these whores, right? While their ships dock at Changi, the sailors dock in these Little Brown Fucking Machines. That's right. They're not Sarah, Mariah, Michelle or whatever beautiful names their mothers may have given them. They are known as fucking machines. Not just machines, but degraded as brown and little too.

I wish these whores had more dignity. Shrill, artificial laughter. Come on. Pride, you girls. But when I think of the dirty transactions of sex they have, I cannot but feel disgusted.

Asians, on the whole, probably haven't gotten past the Colonial complex. The whores selling a fuck to the White men probably are our finest examples.

It's a sunny June.

2009-06-23T09:39:00.002+08:00

For a moment, I felt the burning desire to implant myself in his life; know every kiss he's ever had, ever last girlfriend he's promised not to let go. Then, the subway slithered into its next stop and he waltzed off into the distance, leaving me an onlooker of romance hinged on decided jealousy. I suppose that's the modern way.

Laugh, will you.

2009-05-31T00:57:00.001+08:00

I love the way some newspapers described Adam Lambert as having an "ambiguous sexuality". I don't know why I found that incredibly funny. It was coy, humorous and cheeky all at the same time.

"It's Been a Long, Long Time Comin'..."

2009-05-19T21:30:00.002+08:00

From On The Road by Jack Kerouac:

"In 1942 I was the star in one of the filthiest dramas of all time. I was a seaman, and went to the Imperial Cafe on Scollay Square in Boston to drink; I drank sixty glasses of beer and retired to the toilet, where I wrapped myself around the toilet bowl and went to sleep. During the night at least a hundred seamen and assorted civilians came in and cast their sentient debouchements on me till I was unrecognisably caked. What difference does it make after all? - anonymity in the world of men is better than fame in heaven, for what's heaven? what's earth? All in the mind."

And what's been going in my life, you ask? Well, back to the routine. To start everyday, I head into my mornings with the schooling throng, feeling fifteen all over again. Fifteen - it's the age of brilliance.

The sad, sad state of the Singaporean newsmedia.

2009-04-26T09:55:00.002+08:00

Who fucking cares about Aware, who fucking heard of it before last week and who fucking cares what it thinks of gay people?

The local media only know how to attack three things over here: schools, gays, women. Grow up!

On Friday evenings.

2009-02-22T01:26:00.002+08:00

I never get an overpowering flood of joy on those evenings when I get to go home. Instead, it's always the small things that bring warmth and comfort. There's nothing quite like the feel of familiar tiles under the feet, or the taste of water boiled at home, or the sound of my aircon leaking water, seemingly in order to spite my faucet.

Home always strikes you in small doses. And like all things precious, you miss it only when you need it the most.

If you ever feel lonely...

2009-01-25T00:42:00.003+08:00

Know that sometime in your life, you meant something to someone. Know that you gave strength to someone who could not find strength from within himself. Know that you're somebody to anybody. And with that, modern life isn't that rubbish.

"All my life, watching America. All my life, there's panic in America."

I think I'm going to do National Service.

2009-01-05T02:26:00.000+08:00

Yep, I am. If I were a fortune teller, I'd make millions with that prediction. It's so accurate, it's not funny.

Sentimental, a little.

2009-01-05T02:19:00.001+08:00

It's weird, not starting a new school year. I miss the feeling of rushing in the morning. I miss Raffles, I think, though I no longer have an RJC to return to, what with this RIJC nonsense.

The Script

2009-01-04T01:05:00.000+08:00

Grace says that it is a shit band. I like the four songs from them which are in my iPod.

Do you have a friend for every letter of the alphabet?

2008-12-31T00:15:00.003+08:00

Task: Name one and only one friend for each letter of the alphabet.

A - Aaron
B - Bing Wen
C - Carmen
D - David
E - Eng How
F - Farish
G - Gareth
H - Henri
I - Ivan
J - Jonathan
K - Kenneth (or Karmen, if you're German...?)
L - Longzhao
M - Marcus
N - Nelson
O - Olivia
P - Paul
Q - Quek Hao Zhi (slightly cheated on this one)
R - Rachel
S - Sean, Shawn etc. (all Shawns / Shauns / Seans seem the same to me...)
T - Ting Zhang
U - Uncle Hong (really stretching this one)
V - Valerie
W - Will
X - Xue Qian
Y - Yan Liang
Z - Zhihe

I'm sure I can fill a proper "U", but oh well not off the top of my head.

And that's not really what he said.

2008-12-31T00:07:00.002+08:00

Pieces of our conversation were lost. He said, "Come ride my giraffe." But what he really said was, "Do stand in line and don't be rude to me."

Or perhaps I was mistaken.

Waiting to enlist is like waiting for your food to come at a restaurant.

You roughly know what you ordered.

There might even have been pictures in the menu.

But you don't quite know what you get until you get it served to you.

I mean, clam chowders differ from restaurant to restaurant, right?

You hear things about certain restaurants.

You read up about certain restaurants.

But you don't know what you get until you get it. You really don't.

I suppose NS could be tasty.

Or it could be savoury, like a potato salad.

Or it could be really stinky, like durians.

Or it could be a real pain in the ass, like undigested food (ohhh yes you bet I said that).

Or it could be bearable in small portions, like French food.

Or it could be a chore to clean up after, like all food after cooking.

Or it could be a real lean piece of meat, like pork shoulder.

See what I mean?

Jarrod Tan is pissed with me I think.

Damn.

This is why I read Nick Hornby's books:

2008-12-27T00:00:00.002+08:00

"Here's the thing about me. I can't be bad. Maybe you think that sleeping with Alicia was bad, but it didn't feel that way, so it doesn't count as badness. I'm talking about things where I know I'm in the wrong. You see kids at school, and they're cussing out the teachers, and picking fights with other kids who are supposed to be gay, or picking fights with the teachers, and cussing out the kids who are supposed to be gay... I can't do that stuff, and I never could. I'm rubbish at lying, and even worse at stealing. I tried nicking some money out of my mum's bag once, and I felt sick, and put it all back. It's like a disease or something, not wanting to be bad. I mean, I hate Ryan Briggs more than anyone else on earth. He's a horrible, violent, ugly, scary thug. But when I see him punch some kid in the face and take his phone off him, or tell a teacher to fuck off, there's a part of me that envies him, you know? He hasn't got the disease. It's not complicated, being him. Life would be easier if I didn't give a shit, but I do."

"My mum was worried about things changing, her being left on her own, me becoming a part of someone else's life and someone else's family, me growing up and not being her little boy anymore, me becoming someone else... All of these things or some of them, I don't know. And we couldn't have known it then, but she was right to worry. I wish she'd worried me, really. I wish she'd taken me home that night and locked me in my bedroom and thrown away the key."

Taken from Slam.

Shit, there it goes again.

2008-12-26T01:28:00.002+08:00

It has just sunk in. I'm out of the whole Raffles system. When the year turns, I'll have no more of what I've come to be so accustomed to.

No more white uniforms.

No more struggling to stay awake during lectures.

No more same friends.

No more same teachers.

No more same school anthem.

No more chasing crazy deadlines.

No more meetings.

No more exams, tests, spellings(?).

No more canteen food.

No more Raffles.

Sigh. It's hard to bear, this feeling.

Hmmm.

2008-12-26T01:18:00.001+08:00

"You make it easy to love you, everytime you smile at me."

Weird Sensations

2008-12-19T00:39:00.002+08:00

I took the Bus 14 home from Orchard today. I had an overpowering sense of patriotism suddenly. For all this country's flaws, I still love it. And I want to defend it.

I believe in democracy

2008-12-16T00:05:00.001+08:00

I really do.
I believe in my right to free speech.
I believe in, trust in, will fight for democracy.

Gross

2008-12-08T00:27:00.000+08:00

A: We shouldn’t be here together

B: But turn around. There’s more than just us.

A: What do you mean there’s more than just us.

B: We’re not alone.

A: We should be.

B: Didn’t you say we shouldn’t be together.

A: I did. But I want you. So badly.

B: If you would just navigate please.

A: I am trying my best. But you’re distracting me.

B: Only because I’m so in love with you.

(Possible love scene from any Star Wars movie; all the love scenes are so bad.)

Seven Easy Steps

2008-12-08T00:22:00.002+08:00

There are seven steps to a clean, successful, only-slightly-painless break up.

First, invite your partner out to dinner.

Second, look him or her in the eye.

Third, call the waiter.

Fourth, put all the gifts he or she had given you before on the table.

Fifth, call the waiter again, because they never come on the first call.

Sixth, look your partner’s eyes.

Seventh, avoid the topic and send an SMS after the dinner.

I shall set up a break-up company when I grow up. It shall resemble those dubious matchmaking companies, just that I shall specialise in break-ups.

I shall offer my services in package deals. Second break-up will be on the house.

Wednesday nights shall be ladies’ nights. Unlimited number of heartless, uncharitable break-ups, they shall have.

If you call today, you’ll get a special monthly newsletter emailed to you. Yes.

You. Specially. You.

(Inertia, fucking inertia. I have accomplished nothing over the past few months except play fifa09, play rfactor, go out with friends and use my mouth to talk and eat with friends. Fucking inertia. Put my name as one of the 50,000++ people that were unemployed in the US last week.)

?

2008-12-06T12:58:00.001+08:00

I have a friend who has a perculiar habit of responding to questions with questions. Talking to him feels like a game on "Whose Line is it Anyway". For example:

"Are you ok?"
"Am I?"

Or:

"Is there an early deadline for PSC scholarship?"
"There isn't one?"

Or:

"Where should we go for a movie?"
"You decide?"

You get the idea.

Bad luck, so I am at peace.

2008-12-06T11:57:00.002+08:00

Yesterday morning I received an email from Upenn, requesting that I send them my predicted grades, CT recommendation etc. In other words, the package from my CT was "lost in the mail" (or so they say). However, my CT is in China on a work trip. Bad luck? I should think so. Oh well, life's like that. Sometimes things just don't go according to plan and, really, there's not much that can be done. Confluence of bad coincidences. Life goes on. I can't do anything more now, except maybe burn down the US Postal Service, but I don't have the balls to do that!

"Gravity always wins"

2008-12-05T01:48:00.001+08:00

I believe he drifted till he found new land.

If I lose another match, call me Derby County.

2008-11-30T17:44:00.002+08:00

The "World Class" standard on Fifa09 is outrageous. The outfield players' standards are alright, I suppose, but the goalkeepers' standards are unbelievable. By the looks of things, Rob Green must have been from the Cirque du Soleil before he became a goalkeeper. I would not be surprised to see Buffon do a pirouette before diving to save from van Persie. No wonder Sheikh whats-his-name is willing to pay so much for Buffon. If only he could buy the virtual Buffon. Then he would have a real deal on his hands.

I got whooped 1-0 by Man City today. Why is it a whooping? Well, considering that Man City had one shot on target and I had 10, it is a whooping. Jo Hart had a fantastic game in goal. He saved just about everything that was shot at him, including Podolski's strike from 1m out (yes, Podolski is now at Arsenal and he's a genius). Some might say, "Well, that's what happens in real life anyway. Arsenal just can't score." Not true. Arsenal didn't even create one chance against Man City last week, Jo Hart didn't need to show off his amazingly elastic limbs.

Tonight I may set the goalkeepers' difficulty level to "Professional". They are too world class for my liking.

Cape No. 7

2008-11-28T18:02:00.002+08:00

Tacky title and odd movie posters aside, this has to be one of the best flicks out of Asia in a long, long time. Brilliant stuff. Storyline is tight, camera shots are un-HK-action-pic professional, dialogues are mostly witty and plot is not unbelievable. What a movie. Go watch it.

Ok so...

2008-11-26T22:43:00.002+08:00

I have strong opinions about things. That's a flaw.

No matter, because there's still tomorrow.

2008-11-20T02:34:00.002+08:00

It's not supposed to feel like this. Maybe I'll get into the habit of not doing anything soon enough, but, as I told Grace and some others, I feel guilty for being this sedentary.

So I'm back to my habit of staying up till the early hours of the morning, waiting for a miracle that perhaps lies just beyond the next hour, or the hours after the next.

What am I doing here?

2008-11-17T21:41:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure neither. But I suppose I deserve a bit of a break after my furious pace of work today.

And somehow I forgot that I had "Make Love in This Club" by Usher. But now that I've found it, I can't stop listening to it. Idiotic song. But so addictive.

This is the 1000th post, so I'm posting just for the sake of it.

2008-11-14T00:18:00.000+08:00

Champagne please, thank you.

A good week

2008-11-14T00:09:00.003+08:00

I know it's not the end of the week yet, but it is the end of my week. No more papers till next Wednesday, so I'm allowing myself a bit of a break tonight. It's been a good week, you know, the kind of week which you can look back at and feel satisfied. So what should I talk about tonight? Why, nothing but my lucky dragon of course.

I have a lucky dragon that I attach to my pencil case. It's a small keychain, basically. And, you see, I'm convinced that it's the reason why this week was good and last week was bad. I went the whole of last week with my stationery in a ziplock bag. Bad idea, because that separated me from my dragon. This week, I carried my pencil case to every exam. And what do you know, it's been a brilliant week.

A week to forget

2008-11-08T18:55:00.001+08:00

There are weeks which make you want to swear a lot. And I have sworn a lot over the past week. Mostly through sms to some people. Sorry. But, you know, when you mess Math up, with Math being the "sure-A" paper for most of us, the feeling sucks. Sucks the life out of me.

The way we live

2008-11-05T01:51:00.002+08:00

She tells me that I'd make a better Facebook friend. Soon enough, we'll be Facebook lovers and live our lives in the safety of internet apartments. She'll tell me how good I look in my suit and tie - only that she'll be twenty miles away and that photo will date from last May. She won't call when she leaves, she'll merely leave a message on my wall and hope that I reply sometime within the day. Sometimes, I'll send her the nicest of gifts. They won't cost a thing, but I suppose on the internet, the thought will really count more than the gift. We'll live the way we live, each in our separate worlds, but day after day in the evenings I'll meet her. Only that we'll be apart. And we'd much prefer it this way.

2008-11-05T01:26:00.001+08:00

I think it was Thierry Henry who said that no matter how bad the result turned out to be, he always moved on after a match and just let things be.

Sometimes you work hard, but things just don't turn out the way you want them to.

Mood(s): Frustrated and Regret(ful?)

2008-11-05T01:04:00.002+08:00

Don't really care about the grammar tonight.

Frustrated because I walked out of the exam hall knowing that I committed the sin which I geared myself toward avoiding - panicking when I got into trouble during the Math paper. Also, frustrated because I made stupid careless errors through NOT FOCUSING well enough.

Regretful because I could have done way better at Math. Messed it up slightly due to the reasons listed above. Nothing to do with lack of hardwork or lack of ability. Everything to do with lack of mental strength. But we live and learn. And I'll emerge a better person, a better student, from this experience. Just hold onto my head and I SHOULD be fine...

But, look, no matter how bad the performance is, the result is never as bad as the performance. So I should look forward and not back. Besides, the pressure is off now. I don't feel compelled to not screw up in paper 2, because I might already have blown Math, so I might as well just try my best to enjoy paper 2 and have fun while at it. Hopefully that'll save my Math.

And it was timely to hear Ana Ivanovic say on CNN today, "I'm not thinking about the result, just about my performance and how I'm going to play each match." Yeah, you go girl. That's the way to think.

Speedtyping

2008-10-29T10:37:00.002+08:00

No time to waste. I'm posting while waiting for my iPod to update itself.

America had better vote for this Obama guy, because he's damn sexy.

That's all I wanted to say today, actually.

Oh on another note, my first Alevel paper is two days away (almost exactly, in fact). I'm slightly scared, but mostly excited. The past few months have been a blast. And it all adds up to this!!! Three hours, with pen, paper and a bunch of unknown teachers from other colleges thinking, "Raffles idiots / bitches!" I can't wait. And I'm not being sardonic here. I honestly can't wait. I mean, I've worked my guts out over the past few months for this and I'm not going to disappoint myself or let my chances slip by. My entire academic life has been devoted to the pursuit of this Alevel cert and there's a great amount of expectation hanging in the air. Of course if I muck up it won't be good, but chances are, if I stay positive, I won't muck this one up. So long as I be confident, I have got nothing to be afraid about. That's why I'm excited.

A few things

2008-10-23T23:25:00.003+08:00

I have a feeling this might be one of a very small number of posts before the end of the A-Levels, so I'll say as much as I can. Here goes.

Firstly, if any of you are currently in secondary four and come from RI or RGS, I advice you to join the humanities programme. If you need a single reason, then it must be to be taught by Ms Ng Mei Sze. Not that other teachers pale in comparison. No, you can't compare teachers this way. It isn't fair on them. But in terms of leaving you blown away EVERYTIME you meet her, no one comes close. You have to experience it to believe it!

Secondly, my studies have been going well. I must say that my mental preparation for CT2, Prelims and now, the Alevels, have been greatly enhanced by the number of interviews with sports personalities that I have read, over the past few months. Some quotations simply stick with me and I force myself to think like them. It helps. Like Raikkonen who says, "The bad feeling goes as quickly as it comes (...) you can either complain or cry, but complaining does no good and crying changes nothing." Or Nadal who says, "I don't give up." Or Tiger Woods who says, "I don't feel the pain." Or Henry who says, "There is only one club. Arsenal." Ok the last one is just self-indulgent but whatever. He's Henry.

Anything else that I have to say? Let me think.

Oh a third issue. I've had a lot of joy using the KBlade 98. Great for volleys so if anyone's thinking of getting a new racket, try that one.

I think that's about it. Check back again if I can. Or if I have anything random to say, which is quite often.

Tell me I sound odd

2008-10-04T00:45:00.001+08:00

To be very honest, writing application essays have made me understand my life slightly better. I have never been able to devote this much time, effort and energy into reflecting how my life has gone over the past four years.

I suppose I am a "protoype" (the principal used that word today) of material achievement. I am happy with generally how my life has gone in terms of quantitative aims and goals. But I'm pretty sure I'm still finding real meaning to my life. Maybe one of these days I'll really find something that means the world to me. And I'll love it enough to give up money!

Till that day, I'm a hollow person with a hollow heart, I guess...

Montezemolo: "Singapore is a mickey mouse track"

2008-10-03T00:17:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... he evidently hasn't visited the mickey mouse track at Disneyland yet...

See, again...

2008-10-02T23:29:00.002+08:00

My day can go very well, supremely well, then I do something small, but stupid, but STUPID STUPID STUPID and say the wrong things and act like a dumbass. And so, things fall apart. I am really so dumb sometimes. Gah.

By the way, "Never Let Me Go" is going to put me to sleep. Man Booker Prize, yes, but sleepy stuff too.

How did it all go so wrong?

2008-10-02T19:09:00.002+08:00

For a moment the clouds parted and we were staring at the bare fact of the answer. You responded through someone else and I knew you were right. But then the moment passed. And I was left staring at you, with my problems unsolved and my feelings disorganised. I had a feeling that you felt the same way, but only one of us was willing to wear it on our faces. You moved on, sunlight on you back, while I was left wondering if you would ever spew words at me again.

2008-10-02T01:38:00.000+08:00

I am losing the people I know. Better store them in jars while I still can.

Last word for a long Wednesday

2008-10-02T01:29:00.002+08:00

"Send me a boat and away I'll float, into the stillness of a pure blue sky."
From Last Boat to America by David Gray, which is exactly what I feel I'm buying a ticket for at this moment...

There are two trains of thought

2008-10-01T12:37:00.002+08:00

One is by management gurus who tell you that to listen is to lead.

The other is by one racing driver whose name currently eludes me, who tells you that taking advice is shit.

Who to trust?

Am I, or am I not?

2008-09-30T21:19:00.000+08:00

A moose. A sexist moose.

Censorship

2008-09-30T00:12:00.001+08:00

I had to delete the flaming post about my extended family, or the Russian Secret Service will soon be on my tail...

Tailbone, I mean.

Oh yeah, you bet I do!

2008-09-30T00:08:00.002+08:00

I am an odd character. I like my personal space. But I choose the people I want to have encroach into that space.

So, so odd, I am.

Double standards? You bet!

But that's me. I do the things I want to do. I surround myself with the people I want to be surrounded with.

I think I get most pissed off when things don't happen the way I think they should. Or when the people I want don't want me in return...

HOHO shocker, but yes. I am a demanding little bastard.

The circus has come to town

2008-09-27T23:37:00.003+08:00

And it's moving at 200km/h.

By the way, if you didn't know by now, I'm a huge F1 fan. Have been a huge fan since 9 years old, actually. So please believe me when I say that THE CHANNEL FIVE COMMENTATORS STINK DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. I MEAN, PLEASE, THE DUDE WITH THE AMERICAN ACCENT WAS LIKE, "ENGINE TROUBLE!!!!!!" WHEN MARK WEBBER'S CAR HAD SPARKS YESTERDAY. NO WAY JOSE, HE WAS JUST BOTTOMING OUT, THAT'S ALL.

BUNCH OF FUCKING AMATEURS. THEY MAKE ME SO ANGRY. CHANNEL FIVE JUST PUTS SOME PEOPLE WITH FUNNY ACCENTS AND THINK THEY KNOW F1 WELL, BUT TRUTH IS, THOSE PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT. TUNE IN TO STAR SPORTS OR, IF YOU DON'T HAVE CABLE, FIND A FRIEND WHO HAS CABLE AND GO TO HIS/HER HOUSE TO WATCH THE RACE. THOSE PEOPLE AT ESPN STAR KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

FUCKING MEDIACORP.

WHEN ALONSO CAME OUT YESTERDAY THEY WERE LIKE, "OH THERE'S ALONSO!" WHEN RAIKKONEN CAME OUT THEY WERE LIKE, "OH THERE'S RAIKKONEN!" WHEN HAMILTON CAME OUT THEY WERE LIKE, "OH THERE'S HAMILTON!" WHEN HEIDFELD CAME OUT THEY WERE LIKE, "OH THERE'S KUBICA" SO................ YOU GET WHAT I MEAN. FUCKING MANONTHESTREET AMATEURS.

AND WHO THE HELL GETS AN AMERICAN TO TALK ABOUT F1. THAT'S LIKE ASKING A SINGAPOREAN TO TALK ABOUT SNOWBOARDING.

I REMEMBER WHAT I WANTED TO SAY

2008-09-26T00:41:00.001+08:00

Sarah Palin says, "I can see Russia from my house!"
She may be the next Vice President of the USA.

My friend, who lives in Kranji, says, "I can see Malaysia from my house!"
He's got a bright future ahead of him...

2008-09-24T22:14:00.001+08:00

I had something to say. But then it deserted me.

Is this the real life?

2008-09-24T18:44:00.003+08:00

We're all convinced we'll be successful, do big things, be rich, be happy, have a happy family and be good people.

But what if our dreams are taken away from us?

First of everything

2008-09-24T16:56:00.002+08:00

"It's like I waited my whole life for this one night, it's only me you and the dance floor."

The first hip hop song that actually can be written in a grammatically-accurate sentence!!

I need to explain my inaction.

2008-09-23T13:56:00.002+08:00

I have been busy with exams. That's it, really. When I am studying for new papers and fretting about old papers, I don't have time to post anything here!

Maybe I'll follow up on my Serangoon Gardens post soon, because of the comments posted, or maybe I'll talk about the fact that we're all socialists now.

2008-09-23T11:43:00.000+08:00

Dreaming? I think not!

My country isn't just homophobic, it's xenophobic as well!

2008-09-07T18:34:00.003+08:00

Let's face it - the whole Serangoon Gardens issue isn't about security or convenience. It's about race. Singaporeans, due to our perceived interconnectivity with the world, do not like other Asians. We shun the Thais, see the Burmese as uneducated, look down on Chinese (even though ethnically we're 75% (?) Chinese) and think that all Indians have drinking problems. We are not an "insular" nation as The Sunday Times tried to so nicely put it. We are a racist nation.

WE LOVE WHITE PEOPLE. This is our problem - we have a colonial hangover. I was very amused when I read one of the follow-up articles in today's issue of The Sunday Times (page 7, was it?). The article praised Serangoon Gardens for being receptive to "expatriates", as they called it, but obviously the "expatriates" they interviewed and photographed told another story altogether. This problems is so deep-seated, it's scary. Look at who the Sarong Party Girls hit on. Look at who the airline stewardesses smile more at. Look at our schools!!!

So, while there's still hope left, may I remind people that the Indians, Thais, Chinese and Burmese within our midst are not dirty people, neither are they going to rape every piece of loose flesh they see. Try to accept them, ok Serangoon Gardeners?

And don't get me started on homophobia...

It's amusing how we pretend to be supportive

2008-08-30T09:56:00.003+08:00

Why do we need to pretend that we see the "meaning in life" during this tough period? If we do see the very essence of what living is about, then we wouldn't be studying this hard! I'm annoyed at the motivational pretence.

Like something has died.

2008-08-27T17:46:00.002+08:00

A: Either you move or I move.

B: This isn't a game of chess.

A: It's been awkward to the point that it makes me pissed.

B: Interesting...

A: It's not as though people can't guess, you know.

B: You look a bit like Donald Trump from this angle.

A: I can't stand the way you pretend...

B: Hey, it stopped raining.

A: I'll tell the people whom I'm comfortable with.

B: Phew. At least the Prime Minster won't know.

A: You can't stop me.

B: Good for you.

A: Either you move or I move.

B: Ok I'll move.

"I've done it, I've blown it again."

2008-08-23T13:32:00.002+08:00

"Gone and lost my one true friend."

Note to self: Be more careful when you send text messages. Also, learn to shut up. Learn to shut up. Learn to shut up. Please. Shut the fuck up.

We're all going crazy

2008-08-19T00:00:00.002+08:00

And with the exams just two weeks away, I'm starting, once again, to say a tonne of SILLY and STUPID things, so keep your eyes open.

No, I meant to spell "Gish", not "Gosh" -.-

2008-08-18T23:46:00.003+08:00

Today was a good day. It really was. As the exams draw near, I have come to be convinced that school really is good preparation for the real world. This masochism we put ourselves through really does test our character and make us better people.

Gish they changed the blogger dashboard again!

2008-08-18T23:27:00.003+08:00

Marathon day tomorrow, I believe. Not in the sense of American Congress marathons, but a marathon nonethless. More than 30 questions for Ms. Ng, and my consultation starts at 7pm only. Hmmm... training for that job in the finance world, yeah?

Talking about finance... Everybody wants to get involved in "finance" of some sort in the future. We're all plunging head-first into something we're not even sure we like. Maybe I should start contemplating doing something different. I mean, it's never good to just follow the crowd. As my Dad often says, you must beat the crowd in order to succeed. So... back to the drawing board? Maybe. Just maybe.

American University of Cairo sounds good.

Kidding.

And right now, on msn, we're thinking of killing lives. Scary.

Mama always told me not to talk to strangers. But look what Facebook's done.

2008-08-12T01:26:00.002+08:00

It seems that I'm connected to a lot of people on Facebook. I never knew these people existed, though! Amazing stuff. A few bytes here and there, and look what we've become! Friends! Well, almost...

It's cool to know that Facebook has grown from an elite, Ivy-league network to a mass(ive!!!!), global network. It's a bit like the fable of the young kid who goes on to achieve great things. He starts off small, with a few million dollars of Venture Capital backing him, undaunted by the challenges that lie ahead. Of course, do not forget that he usually comes from some sort of Harvard or Stanford or Columbia or Penn background (or all the other good universities, really).

But, still, very cool to know that Facebook isn't just the domain of stiff-upper-lipped Scholars. I'm talking about the American-equivalent, of course. Which would mean preppy kids dressed in Ralph Lauren big-logo polo tees, with collars flared up.

"You've got me sewn"

2008-08-08T17:58:00.001+08:00

Damn right. Except leave out the "Na na na" bits.

"Experience the air force"

2008-08-08T17:45:00.002+08:00

Hmmm the SAF should do better than to come up with a slogan that sounds a bit like a fart.

I'm a dog which hasn't learnt a new trick

2008-08-08T01:11:00.002+08:00

Today during National Day Celebration, I was busy getting the fever.

Of course not.

In actuality, I was telling Shu Jean of my grand plans for a new script. I was looking at the crowd around me and suddenly I thought, "What if someone here died?" Then I realised...

I'm going to write a script about an audience member dying. Or an actor dying onstage. His life unravels as the incursion into his death furthers. Finally, we reach some kind of conclusion by, I don't know, realising that he deserved his fate or something.

Jean said that the dead guy should be poisoned.

So many avenues to look at! All very exciting.

But for now... study seahist.

Strangely, it's an immense weight off my shoulders.

2008-08-06T01:30:00.002+08:00

If I do well in the A-Levels, I will remember today as a critical date. So I will remember the quote forever...

"I did feel a little bit queazy at first, but I think we're cool."

And what's cool? Well, something close enough for me to remain happy for now.

As Will.I.Am says, "I'm a fucking jerk!"

They tell us that the world is our hitherland

2008-08-03T02:46:00.001+08:00

I think they're wrong. They're all so wrong.

I need to calculate my moves carefully. Very carefully.

A number of posts, compressed into one

2008-08-03T01:57:00.003+08:00

At different times today, I wanted to write about different things. I shall compress these fragments into a complete post.

1. Eats, Shoots, Leaves

A text message I received today reminded me of that book, which emphasised the importance of punctuation. The text was sent to me from Mao Lin before I was to meet him at the library to do H3. It was to this effect:

chian fern is in the library i think i might be eating dinner with him

To the astute reader, that sentence has two meanings, easily interchanged with the insertion of a punctuation mark:

chian fern is in the library, i think i might be eating dinner with him.

OR

chian fern is in the library i think; i might be eating dinner with him.

So let this be a lesson to all you sloppy texters out there!

2. The hippocratic oath

A doctor is the giver of life. I, on the other hand, am the giver of iPod (especially to my two left-handed friends!!!)

All these lefties... I'll discriminate against you all!

3. It's a bird, it's a plane... it's a lot of noise from NDP08

I was walking along Raffles Boulevard when the performance jets left noisy streaks in the sky. Everyone stopped to gawk. This made me think, "In the Middle East, people here the sound of fighter jets and flee because the Israelis are coming. In Singapore, we stare in wonderment."

Then, I finally got to Citylink and thought, "Phew, bombshelter."

"At night we started walking till the breaking of the day

2008-08-01T01:25:00.002+08:00

The morning is for sleeping..."

And there you go, moving past me once again, figure slithering across the streaks of headlights.

I look back, but you wouldn't do so. And if there ever was a moment of incongruence, then that was it. Two separate worlds, two separate identities, with me forcing similarities betwen the two.

And there you go, again.

My great un-academic escapades

2008-08-01T00:59:00.001+08:00

I have finally finished my non-academic backlog. FINALLY.

The trouble with personal statements

2008-07-31T02:12:00.002+08:00

I've just written a personal statement that was definitely a statement, but probably not very personal at all. How fine is the line between selling and whoring yourself? We're almost all whores in this school!

I hold my hands up in the air (like that), then silently lower them. What do you know, they're gravitating towards you! =O

People who write on blogs are self-consumed

2008-07-24T01:01:00.003+08:00

I do not discount myself from my theory. I'm all about me, me, me, me, me, me... Isn't that so? I think I should post more stuff about children dying in Africa.

-Please save Bula Owetu. She is a five year-old dying in Lesotho-

There, I've done my civic duty for the day. Back to thinking about myself.

As I've said before

2008-07-23T00:09:00.002+08:00

I would like to set the world in order
And mould you into a form I deem fit,

But my hands would soon strangle you.

So for the time being,

I'll settle with what I've got

And be contented with looking across at you.

What I heard on the Worldservice this morning

2008-07-23T00:02:00.003+08:00

BBC Reporter: "So how did you know there was a genocide in Bosnia? What was the true human toll?"

UN Commander in Bosnia in the early 1990s: (Incredulously) "How did I know there was a genocide? Well, there were a lot of humans dead, that's why."

As John Stewart said, the real cartoons are the mass media.

What to do, what to do II

2008-07-22T01:30:00.002+08:00

"I can clearly see your face in the crowd, makes me feel I'm not alone.

If I fall, will you catch me?

The view from here is something to see, but I need a hand to hold onto.

If I fall, will you catch me?"

I looked at you with begging eyes, and those begging eyes were pleading with you to stay.

You couldn't sense it; you don't think hard enough. We're divided by incomprehension.

And so on we go, with my whimsical side ruling my better nature.

You'd look as though you understand for a moment, then that look'd fade into a smile.

Nothing more than a smile to carry with me for the rest of the evening.

Even now, you just don't get it.

2008-07-21T00:46:00.002+08:00

Another week begins. I'd love to be normal. I am dismayed.

What to do, what to do?

2008-07-21T00:32:00.003+08:00

So you are next to me. Am I supposed to put my arms around you? But that would be awkward. Am I supposed to grab my left hand with my right, my right hand with my left? But that would be uncomfortable. Am I expected to leave my hands limp on my thighs? Hmmm... Odd positioning. Ok. Grab the edge of the table and survive the seconds as they tick away. That's one... ok another second. Come on. This had got to end.

"Let me check"

No... That's a mistake. So this is what being on death roll feels like...

Do I want to tell you clearly? Don't be stupid, Walter. Ok. So let's keep things as they are. It will pass. It will pass.

Then the rush comes again. And I want the moments to last forever.

So there I stare at you. You're one of the many; just another shadow passing through the subway doors as the day ends. Left and right, the images of iPods in ears, propped up on stoic bodies... Everyone looks alike. I can't make you out from where I stand.

I suppose that's a good thing. I need to leave things the way they are. If I change, then things change. And when things change, I can't set them in the order they were meant to be in.

I order myself to be frank. But I have too much to lose, too much to risk. Things fall apart, people slip away. This passes. This soon passes. To be frank is to be unwise. I'm tortured with my thoughts, but torture is better than losing my footing, and there I go... you go...

Give me one day. I'll know what to do in a day or two.

And she said, "Please suck my face away."

2008-07-21T00:06:00.001+08:00

I saw a couple at a traffic junction today. Their combined age is probably half that of Mandela's. The guy was trying very hard to look like a smooth kisser, but he looked like a dementor from the Harry Potter franchise. The girl was smiling, stroking his hands, luring him ever closer to her face. At that point, I giggled, which attracted a few puzzled looks from the people around me. The guy stuffed his tongue into her mouth, at that very point in time, taking her life with him. They missed the crossing.

Give the monk his sex!

2008-07-20T00:01:00.003+08:00

"If that Ren Ci fella wants to watch dirty videos, then let him do so. Even monks have sexual desires. And that robe he wears is not very good at, you know, keeping it in."

If you feel like you're losing, then you probably are

2008-07-19T23:46:00.002+08:00

I've never admired people who fear nothing at all. How can you be human if you don't realise that you have limitations? There is something indecent, garrishly indecent, about these people.

I have a great rush when the people I like are around me. I may get flustered, even stupified, but in awe of their presence enough to lack self-control. I guess this is why I'm labelled 'weird' at times. Not that 'weird' in my case is bad, but it's a tag I wouldn't mind wishing away. I suppose my flaw is that I'm too susceptible to the emotion of happiness.

But it's when I'm alone, and have time to indulge in my thoughts, that the enjoyment of daylight quickly fades. I escape into people. Once I'm alone, that security's gone.

I desire your presence.

Congratulations Venezuela!

2008-07-15T00:35:00.002+08:00

A woman in your country has been crowned Ms. Universe. I am sure the contestants from Mars are very happy for you too. And in related news, Hugo Chavez has just contacted Ms. Venezuela. Left-wing socialist that he is, I gather that this is the first step towards nationalising her assets.

Last word for the day

2008-07-13T19:03:00.003+08:00

Spending two straight days at the computer is not healthy. Notice how I deftly slipped in the word "straight" there to convince you on other matters not related to this post. I am such a subliminal messenger.

But all in all...

2008-07-13T01:26:00.002+08:00

No need to get personal. I need you more than I should be allowed to.

The sun has set and soon I'm leaving

2008-07-12T19:38:00.003+08:00

Are you a fan of chedet.com? You have to be. Dr. M is possibly one of the best bloggers I have met. Half his posts are intelligible and the other half slam Badawi. So... anyone senses a motive? Because I'm such a big fan of his, I will blog like he does - fill my post with ramblings about my day and my dissatisfaction with the status quo.

It's 2033h. I have spent almost 10 straight hours (deduct one for lunch) at the same seat. So far, no one has stolen my laptop, but I wouldn't be too careful. I have been alone for about 5 of the 10 hours, due to the inability of my companions to wake up on time (one of them didn't actually wake up at all and thus didn't turn up. But it's ok; we're still in love. Hur.). At 1615h, my sole companion for the day unceremoniously deserted me. I think at that point in time I felt "a commingling of hope and despair". I saw him walk away rather slowly, spend about 5 minutes at the massive (it is MASSIVE) shelf of magazine archives, then proceed to the door, fairly undramatically. Actually, I didn't see him walk to do the door, because in between me typing on my computer and looking up, he disappeared. Maybe he got kidnapped; we just don't know. I must say I was fairly unhappy. He left me with an empty pack of tissue and an un-pushed-in-chair.

On a not quite separate note, no one seemed available for dinner. Everyone I contacted (not many people, to be honest) either had something on or was too full for dinner. Ok I made the second one up.

So, here I am, 2039h, at the national library. All 50kg, 1.68m of me. I've ranted to Joan already, so I can type this ironically-detached piece onto blogger.com. A day at the library is FABULOUS, because now I can proclaim to have finished my H3 outline, have a good grasp of Irsaeli, Saudi and American FP and, most importantly, know how to freeze my ass to death because the aircon here is as low as Pamela Anderson's tank tops.

See you guys at home. Or at school. No one's home tonight (Mom's home late) so I guess I'll have the TV for company. Saturday night are Jay Leno nights.

YES MISS, I'M LEAVING. STOP SWEEPING THE TABLE AROUND ME WITH YOUR FEATHER DUSTER AND GIVING ME WEIRD LOOKS. I'M GOING. YOU CAN GO HOME. WE ALL CAN GO HOME. Gah these librarians. Totally wonderful.

I get impatient easily. I think I must be addicted to the web. Save me from my HP.

2008-07-10T00:51:00.002+08:00

Have I posted something like this before? I have a feeling that I did so about a year ago. Don't blame me; blame the donkeys that come to give us talks about cyber wellness (I borrow this method of expression from Gordan Ramsay). I mean, seriously... Get real. We don't live in the 1980s. People need their computers to work nowadays. Too bad if we feel sick without our computers; we wouldn't be making our millions without them.

Stupid donkeys.

That immense feeling of failure creeps back again.

2008-07-06T00:20:00.002+08:00

I dislike numbers; that quantitative, definite part of life. Terrible stuff. Why do I persist in ruling my life by numbers? Numbers give me that feeling that I'm not good enough. 76th percentile. Damn it.

The people who rule the world do not look back much. I'm beginning to love Hegel; he says that history repeats itself, because no one learns from history. That's not a bad thing, really. People who don't look back much lead easy lives. They are the ones who truly know how to enjoy the present. I, unfortunately, continually detest the present.

2008-07-03T23:21:00.000+08:00

I live with many regrets. The primary one is the inability to live each day like it's my last.

2008-07-03T20:58:00.002+08:00

The one person that I've wholeheartedly trusted for the past year or so is now jealous of me. What do I do but suffer with no possible reply? I wish to talk about it, but talking about it to anyone else seems perverse.

2008-07-02T23:28:00.002+08:00

No, actually this is why I love Gavin Degraw:

Wishing wells were made to echo a dime,
the consequences are you keep on relying,
you've become a run and hide refugee,
baby I'm a cop, stop, put up your hands and surrender to me.

Every line in there is shit except the last one.

Derrick says Gavin Degraw is annoying

2008-07-02T23:25:00.002+08:00

I disagree. How can anyone dislike a guy who sings, "This is the start of something good, don't you agree?"

It is in this light that I quote John Mayer, when he sings, "I fell in love with the dream that I had of you."

Chapter 11

2008-07-02T23:22:00.002+08:00

No, I'm not in financial trouble. But it's still a significant number, because it means that I'm nine chapters away from the end of Pride and Prejudice. Elizabeth is an ah lian, but shhhh don't tell her I said that. Her bloody neighbours might bitch about me.

There's a scorecard for everything

2008-06-29T10:43:00.002+08:00

We're at that stage in which everything is viewed through the lens of competition. And while I'm no longer playing tennis competitively, I'm still annoyed that I just can't seem to get my slice backhand right. Sometimes it skids the way I want it to, but often I put too much downward motion on the shot and the ball floats aimlessly. I know I've got to go foward more, but I've a feeling my body's too lazy to be commanded by my mind. I'm letting the racket drop too much. I'm not hitting through the ball when I play the shot. With how slow my feet are getting, I need the slice to play proper defence. I wish I had the strength to hustle to the ball and hit every ball, but I can't. I need the slice and I need to play it right.

Gosh that came out of nowhere.

More than you'd be ready to admit.

2008-06-28T10:59:00.004+08:00

It was less of a tingle, more of a jolt. We sat there and stared into silence. Things seemed to fall in order and nothing seemed out of place.

I lost myself in your daylight. You wondered what my amazement was about. Then, you rebuffed my arrogance, quelling the fire in all my unwithdrawn statements. I put my hands in my pockets, furious at my lack of restraint; what else could I now do but slowly continue my stroll towards disappointment.

A cry for recognition erupted in my head, but only a whimper of hope slithered through my pursed lips. I could not fight it. No, I could not fight a battle that I could not win. Yet, only a fight could erase the doubt that had often left my head throbbing. For so long now...

I was fighting. And in the tussle between desire and reality, reality triumphed for the... I wasn't counting... let's-put-in-an-arbitrary-figure times in a row.. But at least I was fighting. The fighters had always gotten what they desired, right?

A comment towards me, all doubts laid to rest. The comment retracted, hope receded again. I looked up, more wishing than expecting the silence to be broken. I looked up and nothing could beat that warm, familiar and comforting, but transient, despairing and dissipating, sense of security. If only feelings could be captured and put into bottles, to be opened when feelings were needed to be summoned to action. For so long now...

I trusted the tune in my earpiece, with Gavin Degraw singing "We belong together".

2008-06-23T15:17:00.002+08:00

I don't know if I'm unhappy right now because of my inability to do almost half of the 2007 CT2 paper, or if it's because of my other, weird and conflicting emotions.

I think he's obsessed with himself!

2008-06-12T13:11:00.002+08:00

For anyone to suspect himself being hit on through one text message, the individual must be obsessed with himself!

"I have a dream..."...and he convinced himself it was reality!

The biggest attraction at Disney is the toilet

2008-06-12T12:54:00.002+08:00

Hong Kong Disney isn't a breathtaking place, that one I knew already. But with my sister and her boyfriend as company, this visit was made enjoyable.

Right now, I'm still waiting for housekeeping to come. The wait will not deter my conquest to finish studying IH today, though.

On a separate note - "Reputation, reputation, reputation". If you moan that long enough, you'll realise how reputation does not maketh man. The inconsolable lure of defeat, that is what defines our existence. Go figure.

You can mess around, but not with me.

2008-06-08T16:12:00.000+08:00

Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok. Get it already.